Finally! Kate Winslet's boobs in 3D!

Well it's about damn time! For years filmmakers have been looking for a reason to convert Kate Winslet's boobs into 3D, and now they finally have their chance.

In a shocking revelation James Cameron has publicly made clear that he is starving and desperately needs money to eat food. Having already made billions with Avatar and Titanic, the only plausible reason to re-release Titanic in 3D is that James Cameron has run out of money and is starving. So please donate to the "Feed the James Cameron Foundation", donations are not tax deductible [in fact you will be taxed on them], and can be made out directly to James Cameron or by purchasing and overpriced movie ticket.

Since this movie was not filmed in 3D, effects artist will be forced to spend hours upon hours going over each frame of Kate Winslet's boobs to convert them. Getting the right nipple-protrusion could take weeks on its own, not to mention the correct proportion of cleavage depth on her pair of icebergs. Rest assured they are fully committed to making sure her breasts will be shown in eye-popping 3D.

If that's not enough reason to convince you to go, just think about these other reasons why this movie will be so much better having been converted. Just imagine the depth of field when she lets Jack go at the end. You'll feel like he's actually sinking away from you, even though there was totally room for two on that headboard and he could have lived if she'd just moved over and shared. And how can we forget the guy who hits the propeller when he falls off the boat, eh?! We all loved propeller man, imagine that in 3D! You'll get even angrier in the end when you see the old bitch drop her priceless diamond over the railing. Watch as it falls through three dimensions to the water where it can never be sold and its money put to good use, like charities or curing diseases.

The movie should be re-released sometime in 2012 and may even herald the start of the Mayan apocalypse.