Polite Bear is Polite

A polite bear always greets passer-bys with the utmost form and composure. He also drinks his honey with pinky claw out.

British Gorilla Takes A Dainty Bath

If movies taught me anything its that apes aren't just dirty, they're damned dirty. So naturally they need some tub time, and who better to bathe them than a spritely British woman?!

This here gorilla is accompanied by his chimpanzee friend and they further proves the theory that apes are endlessly entertaining & should be videotaped at all times. In fact put a bunch of monkeys together in a house at the Jersey Shore and not will they eventually write Shakespeare but you'll have a hit reality show on your hands. And lets be honest if you mute the real jersey shore and compare it to footage of apes fighting it's very hard to tell the difference. That is aside from all the throwing of feces, the reality show folk have a lot more poop tossing.

Puddi Puddi for 10 Hours

Got 10 hours to kills? Why not sit back and watch a Japanese commercial for self-cannibalistic pudding on loop?!

Giga Pudding is  basically a giant tub of pudding you make at home, because we know all the best desserts come in tub form. Gelatin is most useful substance as when it shakes it reminds you of a fat woman's thighs and can also alert you of impending velociraptor attacks when placed on a spoon.

I Definitely Support These Troops

Proof that the army is exactly like you imagined it. It's just ripped dudes dancing to Aqua 24/7. Kudos for these two over in Iraq having some fun after work.

I'm crushed they didn't invite me to their dance party but it's a long flight over to Iraq anyways. Hopefully their next video will stick with the trend of no longer relevant songs, perhaps some ABBA?

Maru & Various Paper Bags

Maru wins as best cat ever. He refuses to conform to labels or to spatial limitations of various packaging products.

Witness the miracle of paper bag birth as he single-headedly attempts to both hide and attack from his impenetrable paper barrier.

This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things

This is a reason not to not have children but if perchance you can't avoid it, never leave them at home alone with any valuables.

Spongebob Makes Japanese Children Explode

If there's anything Asian children need, it's more sugar & happiness in their lives. Luckily these can both be attained with one simple solution, a Happy Meal from McDonalds. And we all know that a child's prolonged scream is every mother's favorite sound.

 

So what's the best way to achieve the most drawn out screaming session possible? By delivering the sugar their child so desperately needs in the form of a Spongebob cup and straw!  Commence Spongebobaru Happy Flavor!

Nigel Thornberry Remixes

Tim Curry is an amazing actor known for his roles such as Pennywise the clown in IT, Wadsworth in CLUE, or that creepy Tranny from Rocky Horror. Some of you may know him as the voice of Nigel Thornberry from Nickelodeon's The Wild Thornberrys, but I'm sure most of you had no idea that Nigel is a talented recording artist.

Through the magic of nerds with too much time on their hands comes the amazing remixed versions of your favorite hits! These are for anyone who's listened to Katy Perry and thought, "This song would be so much better if a second garbled incoherent voice were added in." Personally I think it makes her music sound better to have a clear operatically trained voice in the mix. Nigel is able to hit those nasally notes with ease and his lyrics are not only amazing and well thought out, but they're truly inspiring.

Nigel also had the pleasure of working with Lady Gaga to put a new twist on a classic.

Norwegian Rebecca Black

One of the best things about the internet is anyone can upload anything they want. One of the worst things about the internet is anyone can upload anything they want.

This little diva "sings" about how she doesn't want to be a "Crappy Housewife." Well does she want to be a prostitute? Cause she's dressed for that. Thanks to Rebecca Black, every banshee with a tone deaf voice and group of female friends that are less attractive than them thinks they should be a pop star. The real question here is, "Is she singing? Or trying to hold back a sneeze?"

Nothing says "Luxury" like rolling into an empty night club at 2 PM. Luckily it was filmed in HD, cause that's classy. Only a matter of time before every one of these babies is in 3D.

Kitteh Snorgle Hug

This is by far one of the best cuddle puddles of baby-soft fur I've ever seen. Not only is the sleeping kitteh dreaming of frolicking through the catnip fields of Naboo, but it thinks it can run after imaginary mice filled with what one can only assume is tender vittles instead of blood.

Warning: this cuteness is actually just a malicious reminder that there's no one around to love and hug is like this.

DO NOT WANT: Urine Eggs

Srsly China, WTF?! Why is it that when something is just plain gross and should not be eaten, people consider it a delicacy? Snails, chocolate covered insects, moldy cheese, live octopus...sick-gross-puke-vomit. Well in Dongyang, Zhejiang Province of China their local delicacy are eggs that have been soaked and boiled in prepubescent boy urine.

That's right, the eggs are left to soak in the urine of little boys under ten, then cracked, soaked, and simmer all day. To most residents they consider it to be the smell of spring. If that's the case then the subways must smell like heaven to them.

[Full Article]

Dinosaur Traumatizes Aussie School

In America we get lame shit like bring your daughter to work day. In Australia apparently they get bring your Dino to School day. The only thing better than the roar of a T-Rex is a child's scream. The only thing better than that is a school full of children screaming and running in sheer terror. Unfortunately no children were harmed in the making of this video.

Ryan Gosling Looks Good Naked

Fact: Ryan Gosling looks good naked. He's showing off his Crazy, Stupid, Abs in Crazy, Stupid, Love. The movie itself seems a lot like Hitch, except without Will Smith suffering from food allergies. Thankfully the movie does not feature any CG dancing animals in sunglasses, instead opting to showcase a tanned & shirtless Ryan Gosling. This is a move that more movies should emulate, luckily Thor & Captain America seem to have the right idea. Gosling's love interest this time is a live human girl as opposed to a sex toy. Sadly Bianca was unavailable for filming because she had to be sent back to the factory for a vagina replacement.

Guilty Cat is Guilty

We all know dogs are terrible liars, but this cat can't hide his guilt any better than he tries to hide his poop in the litter box. He thought he had the perfect crime: owner is out, sprouts on windowsill left unattended, attack with "pat-pat-pat" action...His fatal mistake was that there was no dog around to blame it on.

At least when dog's misbehave it's usually because they're trying to get food they're not supposed to have, but with cats its more so a not so friendly reminder of how good they are at destroying things just cause. Maybe now you'll think twice before coming home without any tender vittles.

Guilty Dog Is Guilty

Dogs love to misbehave, but dear lord are they terrible liars. Did you eat a wrapper from the trashcan? No. Did you poop in my shoe? No. Did you delete Top Chef from my DVR? No. BULLSHIT!

Well this pup in particular fancies a little cross-species dining, but the thing all dogs are terrible at is hiding the evidence. They'd get away with a lot more if they finally decided to take after cats and sprout thumbs instead of using their chompers to tear through everything. The thing that makes this dog even more special is the amount of catholic guilt he shows when confronted with his crime. I think I see some actual tears there. SHAME! SHAME THE SINNER!

[GUILTY DOG VIDEO]

Slow Loris With A Tiny Umbrella

There are certain things in life that go so perfectly together: Peanut Butter & Jelly, Bacon & Eggs, Spaghetti & Meatballs, Cats & Things they're too big to fit in. Though mostly food related, there's another non-delicious pair that makes perfect sense: Slow Lorises & Tiny Umbrellas.

First off any animal that has the word "slow" as part of it's name is okay in my book. In fact I think we need more descriptions in animals' names. Stuff like fast cheetah, squishy panda, or rapey duck.

Teenage Girl Ruins the Word Friday

Willow Smith apparently made it okay for spoiled teenage girls everywhere with access to auto-tune and daddy's money to make a "music" video where they simply describe what they're doing.

So this girl Rebecca Black has made what might be one of the stupidest music videos ever, though she does have some stiff competish:
Losing You
So Cold in the D
My Jeans

The main difference is nowadays these "singers" have bigger budgets, an unhealthy obsession with auto-tune, and braces-clad back up dancers. If you close your eyes and listen is sounds just like Ke$ha which leads me to believe that she and Rebecca Black are the SAME ROBOT!!

Cat VS. Toothbrush

If the cat wins...so does gingivitis. Most cats hate pretty much everything: dogs, water, being awake, prolonged hugs, but this cat has got it out for an ultrasonic plaque fighter. Much like a cat on a cactus the only attack it has is a series of rapid paw slaps. *PAT PAT PAT PAT PAT!*

Let's hope he doesn't find what's in the sock drawer.

A Dating Site For Ugly People

For those who are aesthetically challenged, dating can be rather difficult. But as it happens, most of society would rather go to the drive-thru than the gym. For those who've decided to just give up there's a new way for people to meet and bump uglies. I give you "The Ugly Bug Ball". This site is dedicated to providing the self proclaimed ugly people with a community in which to share their Family Sized love. Finally, a means for people to shop for kimonos together and share their frustration about Chik-Fil-A being closed on Sundays.

[Official Site]

Drunken Baby Trashes Bar

Yes it's as good as it sounds. Drunken babies may be up there on par with chimpanzees. Except with chimps taking the lead because they not only poop everywhere, but they throw it as well. I don't think babies have the hand/eye coordination or even poop consistency to accurately throw their own feces, so that's why they're inferior. Regardless "drunken" babies are an endless possibility of comedy. Here is a trailer for a short film called "Las Palmas" and further proof that exploiting your children on film is a great idea.



[Official Site]

Sorry!

I HAZ A SORRY!

Been keeping any personal stuff out of this, but for the past few months I've been working a new job which has made it more difficult to keep up with the site. But I'm not giving up so plz bear with me!!

Taco Bell Meat Contains 35% Beef & 0% Bells

All of the world was SHOCKED to find out that fast food giant Taco Bell's "beef" does not contain any actual bells. There's even a lawsuit being filed against them for false advertisement. I mean honestly how could they not have seen this coming though? The name is Taco BELL and there are no BELLS in their tacos. Instead of filling their meat product with delicious bells, they instead decided to fill it with a mixture of 35% beef and the rest being soy, oats, and flavoring/spices.

I mean what's next, they'll tell us those "fancy ketchup" packets at McDonald's don't actually contain any 'fancy'? Outrage!! Outrage I say!!

[Article]

Movie Filmed Entirely By Cats

Well it's about TIME! They always say put enough monkeys in a room with typewriters and eventually they'll write Shakespeare. Well put enough cameras on cats and eventually they'll make Avatar. Cat movies are better anyways, you don't want some poop-stained manuscript that some dirty ape wrote, do you? Plus nobody nomz on bugs in Shakespeare.