Puddi Puddi for 10 Hours

Got 10 hours to kills? Why not sit back and watch a Japanese commercial for self-cannibalistic pudding on loop?!

Giga Pudding is  basically a giant tub of pudding you make at home, because we know all the best desserts come in tub form. Gelatin is most useful substance as when it shakes it reminds you of a fat woman's thighs and can also alert you of impending velociraptor attacks when placed on a spoon.

Spongebob Makes Japanese Children Explode

If there's anything Asian children need, it's more sugar & happiness in their lives. Luckily these can both be attained with one simple solution, a Happy Meal from McDonalds. And we all know that a child's prolonged scream is every mother's favorite sound.

 

So what's the best way to achieve the most drawn out screaming session possible? By delivering the sugar their child so desperately needs in the form of a Spongebob cup and straw!  Commence Spongebobaru Happy Flavor!

Nigel Thornberry Remixes

Tim Curry is an amazing actor known for his roles such as Pennywise the clown in IT, Wadsworth in CLUE, or that creepy Tranny from Rocky Horror. Some of you may know him as the voice of Nigel Thornberry from Nickelodeon's The Wild Thornberrys, but I'm sure most of you had no idea that Nigel is a talented recording artist.

Through the magic of nerds with too much time on their hands comes the amazing remixed versions of your favorite hits! These are for anyone who's listened to Katy Perry and thought, "This song would be so much better if a second garbled incoherent voice were added in." Personally I think it makes her music sound better to have a clear operatically trained voice in the mix. Nigel is able to hit those nasally notes with ease and his lyrics are not only amazing and well thought out, but they're truly inspiring.

Nigel also had the pleasure of working with Lady Gaga to put a new twist on a classic.

DO NOT WANT: Urine Eggs

Srsly China, WTF?! Why is it that when something is just plain gross and should not be eaten, people consider it a delicacy? Snails, chocolate covered insects, moldy cheese, live octopus...sick-gross-puke-vomit. Well in Dongyang, Zhejiang Province of China their local delicacy are eggs that have been soaked and boiled in prepubescent boy urine.

That's right, the eggs are left to soak in the urine of little boys under ten, then cracked, soaked, and simmer all day. To most residents they consider it to be the smell of spring. If that's the case then the subways must smell like heaven to them.

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Sexiest Music Video Ever?

Most rap videos feature expensive cars and sexy women, this video has nothing of the sort. It's almost like a video game had a nightmare, ate said nightmare and then threw it up, then set that on fire. Then they took the remaining sludge and gave it to an elephant with a paint brush to paint with. Someone then used the painting to play pictionary with at an awkward dinner party where someone farted and everyone heard but no one acknowledged it. Then they took the description of the painting and a buncha 3rd graders played 'whisper down the lane' with it. The end result of that was then manifested into a music video. Enjoy.

How To Get Arrested In 7 Seconds

Simply do this in public and you should have no problem getting arrested! Preferably try it in the parking lot of an elementary school during recess.

Snickers Lady Costume Even Creepier on Stick

You may have thought it was creepy when there were two small children inside it, but as it turns out this costume from the Snickers Grocery Lady Commercial is even creepier when it's on a giant stick. Not to mention the fact there are no eyeballs and the one elongated hand pointed out.

The exact costume from the commercial was just auctioned off to the charity Feeding America. It sold for $1,900 which can buy enough fun size snickers to feed a small portion of America. I've no idea what exactly is so "fun" about the fun size bars, in fact i find it much more fun enjoyable when houses give away whole candy bars. The best is when you find a house giving out King Size bars or the larger and harder to find Diabetes Size.

The mask for the costume was apparently custom made, so the lucky bidder will now own the only one in the world. Unfortunately the two children are not included :(

[Auction Link]

Japanese Game Teaches You How to Choke Babies

No Srsly, WTF?! Most games that try to be educational are just plain boring; however this one has a murderous twist! It's called Cooking Mama World: Babysitting Mama. A game primarily focused on cooking, now including babies? Go on......

So instead of getting paid $20 bucks an hour to watch a bratty kid, you pay someone $50 to blow pretend bubbles in the face of a creepy plush baby with an abnormally large head.

 

You'll learn valuable skills like how to insert the nunchuk portion of a Wiimote into a baby's mouth. If this does well it's rumored there'll be an expansion pack where you can invite your boyfriend over and ignore the baby while getting to third base.

Sexy Star Wars

Stuck on what to be for halloween? Tried a slutty version of everything already? Slave Leia has been done hundreds of times, mostly by overweight nerds at ComicCon who shouldn't be squeezing into that tight of an outfit. Well I bet you haven't tried to slut up the non-sexy characters in Star Wars yet! Lucky this site takes care of that for you:

If Darth Vadress, ChewBecca, and Storm Boober aren't good enough, perhaps you'd rather try a sexy R2D2?

Honestly I'm not sure which is worse. I've never had a desire to see R2 with a cameltoe, but I never ever pictured R2 without pants. And why so many shoes?!?!

Reminds me of this little gem:

Chimp Rapes a Frog

OMFGSRSLY. As if monkeys weren't already hilarious enough, they've now added rape to their list of amusing acts. This chimp at the Honolulu Zoo decided to use a frog as a fleshlight.

Not only is it interspecies rape, but if it's a West African frog it could possibly spontaneously change sex from male to female in a single sex environment. Meaning, it could be also mean he's raping tranny frog.

Cereal Sex

If there's one thing adults love doing it's selling sex to children. Disney is the pro at this with all the casual slip-ins on their box art or dirty suggestions when you turn the volume up all the way. But there's one market that's been untapped for too long, and that's children's breakfast cereals.

Those boxes are already ripe for seduction. They've got Military officials who want to put their berries in childrens' mouths or grown Leprechauns who constantly have children chasing after them to get a hold of their charms. Apparently a "misprint" accidentally put a phone sex line's number on a cereal box instead of a phone number that donates to charity. Sneaky, I say, sneaky. Clever girl...

Srsly: Man Denies Owning Crack Found In His Crack

A Florida man pulled over for speeding denied ownership of a bag of cocaine found in his own butt. The cop who stopped him smelled a strong scent of weed after pulling him over and decided to search the man. He discovered a bag of weed hidden in his crack. Upon further inspection of his crack, he discovered a different type of crack. According to The Smoking Gun:

"I then searched his shorts again and felt another object that was in the crack of his buttocks. I pulled the object out from the exterior of his shorts and a clear plastic baggie with a white rock substance fell to the ground." This plastic bag, a test would later determine, contained 27 pieces of crack cocaine.

Roberts quickly disavowed ownership of the cocaine. “The white stuff is not mine, but the weed is,” he claimed, adding that the crack in his crack was the property of a friend who had previously borrowed the car and left the drug on the passenger seat. Roberts explained that when he was pulled over for speeding, he concealed the second bag of narcotics.

A likely excuse, but I'm afraid your crack story has a big hole in it! Shidiot.
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Segway Owner Plunges to Death On Segway

Jimi Heselden is the owner of Segway, the two-wheeled vehicles that instantly transform you into a mobile douchebag. That is he was the owner until he fell off a cliff while riding his Segway.

He was riding a rugged country version of the Segway near his home in West Yorkshire, UK when the accident occurred. Sources say that lost control of the "vehicle" and was apparently still riding it when he plunged off a cliff into a river below. Next time you decide to go off-roading on your Segway be sure to use caution and stay away from giant cliffs. If you do feel it start to go out of control the smart approach may be to simply jump off.

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Jurassic Park The Musical, Srsly.

Yah really. A group of people in Nebraska decided to put on a musical performance of Jurassic Park in their backyard for their parents and unwilling neighbors. 

 

If you have the time and the patience for super low-budget regional theatre, if a backyard can be considered a region, then by all means watch. I for one see this a blasphemous to the holy work of amazingness that is Jurassic Park, but i guess a lot of love did go into this. They say imitation is the highest form of flattery, but what you call imitation, I call the rape of the natural world. Below is part 1 of the video:

Jurassic Park the Musical Part 1 from Mark Hennings on Vimeo.

Sideways Bicycle

Now you can finally ride side-saddle like a dainty lady! Too long have bikes been uncomfortably forcing us to face the direction we're going. Not a problem any longer! With this new sideways bike you can awkwardly manage to steer with the ever present danger of falling backward with no means of stopping your momentum other than hitting the unforgiving pavement.

Feel like getting in the holiday spirit? Just attach a broomstick, don a pointy hat and - viola! Instant spooky witch!! Normal bikes have the cumbersome burden of being able to move fast and change gears. Who needs those fancy features when you can go spread eagle on this bad boy?

Sony Finally Invents the "Wii"

Sony's Move will take gaming to a new level, the level it was at 4 years ago when the Nintendo Wii was introduced.

Playstation 3 owners can now pay additional money for what is basically a black Wii-mote with a rubber ball on the end the lights up. Fake sources say the idea was taken from when the president of Sony visited his granny at Forgotten Acres Retirement Home. The seniors were enjoying themselves while playing Wii Sports and he noticed every single walker had a cut open tennis ball stuck on the bottom. 

 
Why they don't just make walkers that have sliding material instead of rubber stoppers is beyond me, but he thought putting  a big stupid ball at the end of the remote would make it more appealing to the elderly. Other early prototypes included putting different attachments on the end such as: cups of pudding, prune juice, Werther's Original Hard Candies, and Phone Calls from their Children.

Below is a video Sony is using to promote the move by scaring people with the "Move Men". The story goes that if you look in the mirror at midnight and say "move men" three times they show up at your party and eat all your pizza without chipping in.

All Hail Scuba Cat

Why can't all the news be like this? Murders, Rapes, Politics, who cares, there's a fucking cat with a fishbowl on it's head scuba diving in a pool!!! Next stop the ocean. The perfect way for a cat to get a firsthand look at all teh fishies!

Super Happy Pizza Dance!!1!

Apparently in Korea you must dance for your hairy pizza. Dance and pose. Then awkwardly wait for applause before eating. I had no idea meals were so choreographed, I'd hate to see what Thanksgiving is like.

Queen of Vagina - The Vagina Song

Let's be honest, YouTube was made so that people could post videos of themselves singing in their livingroom. However; I don't think the creators had stuff like this in mind when they made it. The video features an Eve look-a-like singing mostly about her 'vagina' with riveting lyrics written in 3rd grade English.

Warning: this song is incredibly catchy. In fact I just overheard one of my coworkers singing "Vag-vaga-vagina," be sure to crank up the speakers.

Old man's seizures mistaken for DJ'ing

An elderly gentleman whom no doubt mistakenly wandered into a quinceañera party ended up having a seizure behind the DJ booth. The footage was recorded and posted on the internet for permanent ridicule.