How To Get Arrested In 7 Seconds

Simply do this in public and you should have no problem getting arrested! Preferably try it in the parking lot of an elementary school during recess.

Japanese Game Teaches You How to Choke Babies

No Srsly, WTF?! Most games that try to be educational are just plain boring; however this one has a murderous twist! It's called Cooking Mama World: Babysitting Mama. A game primarily focused on cooking, now including babies? Go on......

So instead of getting paid $20 bucks an hour to watch a bratty kid, you pay someone $50 to blow pretend bubbles in the face of a creepy plush baby with an abnormally large head.

 

You'll learn valuable skills like how to insert the nunchuk portion of a Wiimote into a baby's mouth. If this does well it's rumored there'll be an expansion pack where you can invite your boyfriend over and ignore the baby while getting to third base.

Chimp Rapes a Frog

OMFGSRSLY. As if monkeys weren't already hilarious enough, they've now added rape to their list of amusing acts. This chimp at the Honolulu Zoo decided to use a frog as a fleshlight.

Not only is it interspecies rape, but if it's a West African frog it could possibly spontaneously change sex from male to female in a single sex environment. Meaning, it could be also mean he's raping tranny frog.

Srsly: Man Denies Owning Crack Found In His Crack

A Florida man pulled over for speeding denied ownership of a bag of cocaine found in his own butt. The cop who stopped him smelled a strong scent of weed after pulling him over and decided to search the man. He discovered a bag of weed hidden in his crack. Upon further inspection of his crack, he discovered a different type of crack. According to The Smoking Gun:

"I then searched his shorts again and felt another object that was in the crack of his buttocks. I pulled the object out from the exterior of his shorts and a clear plastic baggie with a white rock substance fell to the ground." This plastic bag, a test would later determine, contained 27 pieces of crack cocaine.

Roberts quickly disavowed ownership of the cocaine. “The white stuff is not mine, but the weed is,” he claimed, adding that the crack in his crack was the property of a friend who had previously borrowed the car and left the drug on the passenger seat. Roberts explained that when he was pulled over for speeding, he concealed the second bag of narcotics.

A likely excuse, but I'm afraid your crack story has a big hole in it! Shidiot.
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Jurassic Park The Musical, Srsly.

Yah really. A group of people in Nebraska decided to put on a musical performance of Jurassic Park in their backyard for their parents and unwilling neighbors. 

 

If you have the time and the patience for super low-budget regional theatre, if a backyard can be considered a region, then by all means watch. I for one see this a blasphemous to the holy work of amazingness that is Jurassic Park, but i guess a lot of love did go into this. They say imitation is the highest form of flattery, but what you call imitation, I call the rape of the natural world. Below is part 1 of the video:

Jurassic Park the Musical Part 1 from Mark Hennings on Vimeo.

Srsly: 100 Cats set loose in IKEA

Mreowf!

For Srsly. A buncha people in the UK thought it'd be a great idea to take over an IKEA for the night and find out what happens when they let loose 100 cats.

As far as I can tell, there was no purpose for this experiment other than to "see what happens." As usual the kittehs run amok and crawl into places they're not supposed to. Ikea shoppers should now expect to find a few surprise Swedish meatballs left in their newly purchased Grübånstrøm.