8-bit Harry Potter

Though it's not technically a game, the creators sure went out of their way to make it feel like one, right down to the amazing retro music. You can watch Harry Potter in his summer school adventures and pick his path in this choose your own adventure video. Best part is you don't have to blow any cartridges to enjoy. Though if you have a Wiimote handy you can still work on your blowing skills.

Japanese Game Teaches You How to Choke Babies

No Srsly, WTF?! Most games that try to be educational are just plain boring; however this one has a murderous twist! It's called Cooking Mama World: Babysitting Mama. A game primarily focused on cooking, now including babies? Go on......

So instead of getting paid $20 bucks an hour to watch a bratty kid, you pay someone $50 to blow pretend bubbles in the face of a creepy plush baby with an abnormally large head.

 

You'll learn valuable skills like how to insert the nunchuk portion of a Wiimote into a baby's mouth. If this does well it's rumored there'll be an expansion pack where you can invite your boyfriend over and ignore the baby while getting to third base.

WANT: Sonic 4

SEGA just released a trailer for the third level in Sonic 4 called Casino Street Zone. This game is gearing up to be amazing by the looks of it. The first levels announced are Splash Hill, & Lost Labyrinth.

Splash Hill was playable at E3 and my firsthand experience with it was a huge relief. Fans have been asking since Sonic made the jump to 3D for an old school Genesis-style 2D Sonic game and that's exactly what this is. 

 

According to IGN: "The game will be available for download on the iTunes App Store starting Oct. 7, the Wii Shop Channel on Oct. 11, the PlayStation Network on Oct. 12 in America, and Xbox Live Arcade on Oct. 13 across all territories. Sonic 4 will be priced at 1500 Wii Points on WiiWare, 1200 Microsoft Points on Xbox Live Arcade, and $14.99 on the PlayStation Network." Check out the 3rd trailer below:

[Sonic Website]

Sony Finally Invents the "Wii"

Sony's Move will take gaming to a new level, the level it was at 4 years ago when the Nintendo Wii was introduced.

Playstation 3 owners can now pay additional money for what is basically a black Wii-mote with a rubber ball on the end the lights up. Fake sources say the idea was taken from when the president of Sony visited his granny at Forgotten Acres Retirement Home. The seniors were enjoying themselves while playing Wii Sports and he noticed every single walker had a cut open tennis ball stuck on the bottom. 

 
Why they don't just make walkers that have sliding material instead of rubber stoppers is beyond me, but he thought putting  a big stupid ball at the end of the remote would make it more appealing to the elderly. Other early prototypes included putting different attachments on the end such as: cups of pudding, prune juice, Werther's Original Hard Candies, and Phone Calls from their Children.

Below is a video Sony is using to promote the move by scaring people with the "Move Men". The story goes that if you look in the mirror at midnight and say "move men" three times they show up at your party and eat all your pizza without chipping in.

The Room: The Video Game

OMFG. Someone srsly made The Room into an 8-Bit vidja game! There's ample amounts of love put into this game including every reference from spoons to disgusting sexy times with Johnny and Lisa. you'll be saying "O Hai Denny!" before you know it. If you've ne'er seen The Room do yourself a favsies and find the Nearest Screening, grab a few friends, and GO. Don't bother watching the trailer, just go and laugh at one of the worst movies ever made, possibly worse than Brendan Fraser's Furry Vengeance.

[O Hai! Play Me!]

Cat playing Duck Hunt

Two of the greatest things combined, kittehs and vidja games. Here's a Ragdoll cat "playing" Duck Hunt. Just don't say Duckhunt really fast it might sound like something else.

WANT: Super Nintendo Bed

The iCon bed from Hollandia International may seem like your normal average run-of-the-mill bed. But that's until you actually look at the thing and realize it looks just like a friggin SNES. It's supposed to be marketed as an adjustable bed with two iPad docking stations when in reality they should just say "Sleep in your SNES!" Lord knows trying to sleep with it is just plain paniful.

O Hai 3rd Dimension!

Nintendo, which is Japanese for "Insert Money", has developed their next device to get children to ignore their parents, avoid their homework, and neglect their pets in favor of virtual ones who don't have bowel movements.

It's called the 3DS *ooooooh!*

Aside from being shiny, the 3DS also offers 3D gaming on a portable handheld that's sure to give you a blowgasm. While 3D is nothing new, movie studios have been adding it on to every undeserving movie in order to cash in, but it's never been done like this before. The kicker? NO GLASSES!

You can play games in 3D, watch Movies in 3D, and even take photos in 3D, all without being called four eyes!

How'd they do it? Microscopic blackholes in every pixel send images into a parallel universe creating a double image that blasphemously negates the birth of Jesus and creates a 3D image for your viewing pleasure. I have no idea how it works, but it does and it does beautifully. You look down at it and see a 3D image without doing any of that MagicEye bullshit where you have to stare at a page for 20 minutes moving it closer and further until you see the kangaroo with boxing gloves.

At E3 I got a taste of playing a few games on it as well as watching movies and taking photos, all which left me thoroughly satisfied, unlike restaurants that don't offer free refills.
Come next year you can rest assured that parents all over will be going grey with stress that much faster as they try to figure out how the hell they're going to secure one for their spoiled brat for Christmas.