O Hai 3rd Dimension!

Nintendo, which is Japanese for "Insert Money", has developed their next device to get children to ignore their parents, avoid their homework, and neglect their pets in favor of virtual ones who don't have bowel movements.

It's called the 3DS *ooooooh!*

Aside from being shiny, the 3DS also offers 3D gaming on a portable handheld that's sure to give you a blowgasm. While 3D is nothing new, movie studios have been adding it on to every undeserving movie in order to cash in, but it's never been done like this before. The kicker? NO GLASSES!

You can play games in 3D, watch Movies in 3D, and even take photos in 3D, all without being called four eyes!

How'd they do it? Microscopic blackholes in every pixel send images into a parallel universe creating a double image that blasphemously negates the birth of Jesus and creates a 3D image for your viewing pleasure. I have no idea how it works, but it does and it does beautifully. You look down at it and see a 3D image without doing any of that MagicEye bullshit where you have to stare at a page for 20 minutes moving it closer and further until you see the kangaroo with boxing gloves.

At E3 I got a taste of playing a few games on it as well as watching movies and taking photos, all which left me thoroughly satisfied, unlike restaurants that don't offer free refills.
Come next year you can rest assured that parents all over will be going grey with stress that much faster as they try to figure out how the hell they're going to secure one for their spoiled brat for Christmas.