Movie Filmed Entirely By Cats

Well it's about TIME! They always say put enough monkeys in a room with typewriters and eventually they'll write Shakespeare. Well put enough cameras on cats and eventually they'll make Avatar. Cat movies are better anyways, you don't want some poop-stained manuscript that some dirty ape wrote, do you? Plus nobody nomz on bugs in Shakespeare.

Brad Pitt Stars in Getty Images Movie

Hollywood has finally created a movie entirely out of stock footage from Getty Images. Using deleted and leftover clips from Benjamin Button, they just added Brad Pitt's image into a bunch of scenes making an entirely new movie. Seemingly the studio was not concerned over the lack of a story seeing as they had Brad Pitt and pretty images, 2 out of the 3 things needed for a successful movie. Sean Penn was thrown into the mix as it was thought too much beauty would be overstimulating, kinda like that feeling you get if you try and masturbate right after you just did.

Speilberg almost ruined Harry Potter

Two words: Animated Movie.

Thank god we dodged that bludger. Speilberg is a great man no doubt, but his recent movies certainly haven't packed quite as much of bite as his older swansongs like Jurassic Park or JAWS. It's a huge relief to hear that this never panned out, because his take on the franchise was to combine a couple of the books and make it animated. Silly muggle...

I can just imagine the crammed incoherent CGI mess it would have been, mostly liked voiced by Shia Lebeouf. He instead passed on the project in favor of making the mess Artificial Intelligence.

[Full Article]

Tron Legacy Sneak Peek

Tron Legacy is taking a cue from Avatar and offering audiences the chance to catch the first 20 minutes of the movie in IMAX 3D. Unlike most of the crap being put out there this movie was actually filmed in 3D.

However tickets sold out pretty much as soon as they went up so unless you own a time machine, you're shit outta pixels. The movie comes out on December 17th, but you can nab the soundtrack which was scored by Daft Punk on December 7th.

 [Tron Facbeook]

Tom Hardy Will Be In Batman 3

Deadline is reporting that Tom Hardy is set to portray one of the leads in the next Christopher Nolan helmed Batman movie.

"Insiders are keeping the role secret and won't even say if he's up for a villain role, but that seems a reasonable assumption."

Let's keep our fingers crossed that he'll be playing the role of Streaker, the super villain that goes around ruining soccer games with his flopping penis of doom.

[Deadline]

Harry Potter To Be Converted Back To 2D

Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows Pt. 1 will now be released solely in 2D, the format in which the movie was originally filmed. WB was in the process of converting the footage to 3D but has since abandoned the process because it would not be done in time for the film's November 19th release date.

The studio is now concerned however that it will not be able to convert the 3D footage back to 2D in time. They'll have to painstakingly alter the movie frame by frame to make sure that nothing will appear like it's flying off the screen at your face. Audiences will be forced to wear sunglasses while watching in order to dull out the brightness that viewers normally experience when watching movies without 3D glasses.  Until 3D came around audiences found it impossible to distinguish objects in the foreground from those in the background. To combat this WB has been considering hanging broomsticks from strings in front of the screen and jiggling them up and down.

Alternatively there is a conversion process that tags all images throughout the film, identifying to viewers whether it's in the foreground or background. This gives people the illusion of 3D and depth without the need for cumbersome glasses. Otherwise movie goers watching a 2D version of Harry Potter might think there is a tiny 6-inch man flying next to Harry as opposed to following him in the background. Most likely the studio will release a hybrid of the movie should the conversion process not finish in time. This would be a 2D/3D version that would simply have both types of footage in it where the viewer removes and puts back on their glasses on every few seconds.

[Official Statement]

Zack Snyder can haz Superman Movie

Break out the Sparkling Apple Snyder! 300 & Watchmen director Zack Snyder has been picked to direct the next Superman movie, well why not? He likes comics, superheroes and CG, so it seems like a good fit to the execs at WB. And it's not like he can make it any worse then the Bryan Singer trainwreck of a movie. Sure the entire movie is bound to be mostly CG and violence, but at least it won't be boring.

The best news is that Christopher Nolan [Dark Knight/Inception] is producing and came up with the story. It'd be better if he were directing but, keep your fingers crossed that instead it just means he'll get back to work on Batman 3. Hopefully the Superman movie will not be called Legend of the Superman: The Guardian of Earth'Oole!

Titanic 3D Poster

A deadly solar flare knocks an Ice Planet hurdling right into the path of the U.S.S.2.0 T1T@N1C during it's maiden voyage. Their only hope lies within R.O.S.E. (Robot Operating System w/ Emotions). Infused with the memories of Titanic survivor Rose Dawson, she'll stop at nothing to save the ship, that is if she control her emotions and her PMS.

Why not?! There's already a Titanic 2. And they're re-releasing both Titanic and the Star Wars movies in 3D. What's to stop them from making a 3rd, in THREE Dimensions?! You know a series gets good when they set it in space.

Jar Jar Will Finally Be Annoying in 3-Dimensions

It's been a long wait. I know since the Episodes I-III of the Star Wars movies have come out people have been thinking, "How can we pay more to see these awful movies?" It wasn't enough to see Jar Jar being annoying in 2 Dimensions, I want him to actually be in my face while he's acting all "in my face." I've been dreaming of seeing Yoda in 3D so I can see every poorly rendered nook and cranny that could have been easily replaced by a real puppet. Just think of how much more dis-believable he'll be when you watch him in THREE dimensions!

You'll get to experience the grand computer generated landscapes under the dull tint of 3D glasses. No longer will you have to feel emotionally disconnected with every character in 2D. No one will be able to say that George Lucas' characters are one dimensional as you view them in three dimensions!
 
All six films are slated to be converted to 3D with The Phantom Menace in line to be re-released in early 2012. The others would hit theaters in order each consecutive year. Basically that means you can just wait until 2015 to see any of them when A New Hope is released.

[Article]

Titanic Lady Finally Kicks the Iceberg

Gloria Stuart, who played the gross version of Kate Winslet with a saggy, wrinkly face and hands where the skin is really thin & sorta see-through but still surprisingly soft, just died at the age of 100. She's best and pretty much only known for her role in Titanic where she drops the fucking diamond off the boat in the end.

Not to worry though, her heart will live on when James Cameron re-releases Titanic in 3D so that they can charge you an extra $5 to see a movie you've already seen. Her face jowls will appear extra saggy and wrinkles more cavernous when viewed in 3D.

SCRE4M POSTER

Not to be outdone by 5nal Destination. The new Scream 4 poster features the number 4 in place of the 'A' making it impossible to phonetically pronounced without sounding like an idiot. However it works perfectly for any forums or online discussion boards about the movie which can be called  a "Screfourm".

The movie will feature a familiar cast including Neve Campbell, Courtney Cox, and David Arquette, who constantly looks like he's squinting from the sun.

Viagra Movie with Jake Gyllenhaal is 'Coming' Soon

It's going to be pretty hard to pass this movie up. Love & Other Drugs stars Jake Gyllenhaal's body which repeatedly has sex with Anne Hathaway. Occasionally between shirtless scenes his face talks, something about selling Viagra or something. The trailer and ads prominently feature Jake getting naked, or Jaked.

The movie will be released November 24th, just one week after Harry Potter comes out so it will have some stiff competition.

Pixar Newters Its Line Up

Pixar has quit production on its movie Newt in favor of working on Cars 2.

According to their official facebook page: "As most of you already know, "Newt" is no longer in development at Pixar. However, that doesn't mean we can't share some of the Pixar artists' amazing artwork with our Facebook fans!"

 

It's a shame because this was evolving into what looked like it would have been an adorable movie. Instead we'll be left with a sequel to Pixar's runt of the litter. At least Cars 2 will be animated so we won't have to actually look at Owen Wilson's face. More photos after teh pounce!

The Room: The Video Game

OMFG. Someone srsly made The Room into an 8-Bit vidja game! There's ample amounts of love put into this game including every reference from spoons to disgusting sexy times with Johnny and Lisa. you'll be saying "O Hai Denny!" before you know it. If you've ne'er seen The Room do yourself a favsies and find the Nearest Screening, grab a few friends, and GO. Don't bother watching the trailer, just go and laugh at one of the worst movies ever made, possibly worse than Brendan Fraser's Furry Vengeance.

[O Hai! Play Me!]

Mega Shark VS. Steve Urkel, No Srsly!!

Jaleel White, who most people know as Steve Urkel from “Family Matters" has been cast as the lead in the new movie Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus.

The movie comes from the same production company that brought you the genius oscar-snubbed movies:

-Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus
-The DaVinci Treasue
-Snakes on a Train
-TITANIC 2
-The Terminators
-Transmorphers

-Sherlock Holmes [Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's]

I know what you're thinking, how can these movies possibly get made? Some people for some unknown reason enjoy the terribleness and low budget CGI that comes with these direct-to-DVD blockbusters. But you have to feel bad for the clueless parent that mistakenly rents the wrong movie for their teenager's slumber party, only to once again disappoint their child cause they can't do anything right and don't understand texting. Luckily no talk yet of Brendan Fraser being cast so the movie might not actually be that bad.

TITANIC 2 Trailer:

Visit their website for more info [The Asylum]

Gooby

Eugene Levy really has nothing better to do. I'm starting to think he doesn't even bother to read the scripts that he gets. Attached is one of the worst trailers ever, aside from Furry Vengeance. Apparently they were only able to get the rights to just one song. I also think there is a fine line between Children's movies and Horror.

Pedo-Yogi-Bear

The copy on this poster reads: "Great things come in bears."

Somewhere out there a copywriter thought this was a good idea. Not only that, but advertising producers and a movie studio executive thought so as well. The truth is multiple levels of people approved a poster for a children's movie featuring a bear behind another one talking about coming in bears while making a surprised orgasm face.

Bravo. Here I thought this movie was going to be some cheesy throwaway kids movie, when in fact we're in store for a hardcore rauchy adult CG movie featuring some nasty furry homo-bear sex. It all makes sense now. I mean what sort of heterosexual bear has picnics all the time? And who is Boo Boo trying to fool with that lavender bow-tie? Plus they're naked around eachother all the time. Can't wait till this Christmas when they "Bear it all!" The anticipation should be nearly unbearable.

All of America will no doubt "Get Schmucked" tonight

While we all eagerly anticipate getting "Smurf'd" audiences can appease their need to "Get Movie Title'd" this weekend by seeing the movie Dinner for Schmucks. According to the poster the movie has something to do with Steve Carell making a goofy face and Paul Rudd suffering from a tension headache. No doubt most Americans will already have attended midnight screenings of Cats & Dogs.


The other option would be to "Get Charlie St. Clouded" and go see Zac Efron's latest movie while trying to stay awake between shirtless scenes.

Audiences will assuredly be riveted by the non-predictable movie, which no one will be able to guess simply by watching the trailer.

Christmas just got awfuler: Yogi Bear Movie

In an effort to make Christmas more miserable for adults, Warner Bros. is now forcing parents to sit through what will assuredly be an awful and unnecessary CGI remake of a no longer relevant cartoon in 3D.


According to fake sources, the movie will most likely feature dancing animals, presumably wearing sunglasses. While dancing they will try to act sexy while swinging their hips to a recent song just overplayed enough to make you hate it even more. Still unclear is to why Warner Bros. has decided to release a movie, that does not star Tom Hardy. However audiences can be grateful that the movie shows no signs of Brendan Fraser.

Finally! Kate Winslet's boobs in 3D!

Well it's about damn time! For years filmmakers have been looking for a reason to convert Kate Winslet's boobs into 3D, and now they finally have their chance.

In a shocking revelation James Cameron has publicly made clear that he is starving and desperately needs money to eat food. Having already made billions with Avatar and Titanic, the only plausible reason to re-release Titanic in 3D is that James Cameron has run out of money and is starving. So please donate to the "Feed the James Cameron Foundation", donations are not tax deductible [in fact you will be taxed on them], and can be made out directly to James Cameron or by purchasing and overpriced movie ticket.

Since this movie was not filmed in 3D, effects artist will be forced to spend hours upon hours going over each frame of Kate Winslet's boobs to convert them. Getting the right nipple-protrusion could take weeks on its own, not to mention the correct proportion of cleavage depth on her pair of icebergs. Rest assured they are fully committed to making sure her breasts will be shown in eye-popping 3D.

If that's not enough reason to convince you to go, just think about these other reasons why this movie will be so much better having been converted. Just imagine the depth of field when she lets Jack go at the end. You'll feel like he's actually sinking away from you, even though there was totally room for two on that headboard and he could have lived if she'd just moved over and shared. And how can we forget the guy who hits the propeller when he falls off the boat, eh?! We all loved propeller man, imagine that in 3D! You'll get even angrier in the end when you see the old bitch drop her priceless diamond over the railing. Watch as it falls through three dimensions to the water where it can never be sold and its money put to good use, like charities or curing diseases.

The movie should be re-released sometime in 2012 and may even herald the start of the Mayan apocalypse.